So many women, and men, don’t realise all the different ways abuse can show up. In fact, it’s shocking how many of us think it’s just part of life, or even normal. When I look back on my own experiences, I remember how the harshest realities felt like “just the way things are.” Or, this must just be part of the relationship, where my partner is in charge.

We were never taught in school about the many forms abuse can take. When we hear “domestic violence,” we imagine bruises or broken bones, but the truth is far more complex. Abuse can be physical, yes, but it can also be emotional, psychological, sexual, technological, or financial. It’s not just about what’s done to you, it’s about what’s taken away: your confidence, your independence, your sense of safety in your own home, and your mind.

Here’s what I wish someone had told me sooner:

1. If you’re constantly walking on eggshells, that’s not normal.
You shouldn’t have to monitor every word, every outfit, every phone call for fear of someone’s reaction. If you find yourself anxious about keeping the peace, or your self-worth is tied to someone else’s moods, that’s a warning sign.

2. If your boundaries are dismissed or punished, that’s abuse.
Everyone deserves autonomy. If you’re not allowed privacy, if your phone or finances are monitored without consent, if saying “no” leads to punishment, these are forms of control, not love.

3. If you’re isolated from friends, family, or support, that’s intentional.
Abusers often try to cut you off from anyone who might help you recognise what’s happening. If you find your world shrinking, it’s often by design.

4. If you’re made to feel worthless, crazy, or always at fault, that’s psychological abuse.
Gaslighting, making you doubt your own reality, is a powerful tool of control. If you’re constantly apologising, or if your partner’s version of events always overshadows your own, you’re not alone. It’s not your fault.

5. If you’re coerced or manipulated sexually, that’s abuse.
Consent is everything. If it’s not freely given, it’s not consent. Nobody owes anyone their body.

6. If you feel afraid in your own home, trust that fear.
You don’t have to explain away your instincts or justify someone else’s behaviour. Fear is a signal. Listen to it.

This is a difficult truth to face, but it’s important: sometimes, those who have experienced abuse themselves may go on to repeat those patterns with others. Hurt people can hurt people. When abuse becomes your “normal,” it can shape how you relate, communicate, and even express anger or seek control. You may not even realise you’re repeating the cycle until you see it reflected in someone else’s hurt or fear.

How the Abused Can Become the Abuser

It’s not about blame, it’s about awareness. If you notice yourself using manipulation, threats, or control, if you find yourself lashing out because that’s what you learned was normal, it’s never too late to break the cycle. Healing is possible, and so is change. Recognising harmful patterns, whether you’re on the receiving end or the one repeating them, is the first step toward a different, healthier future.

It’s not about blame, it’s about awareness. If you notice yourself using manipulation, threats, or control, if you find yourself lashing out because that’s what you learned was normal, it’s never too late to break the cycle. Healing is possible, and so is change. Recognising harmful patterns, whether you’re on the receiving end or the one repeating them, is the first step toward a different, healthier future.

Why Don’t We Know This?
Because nobody teaches us. Because it’s easier for society to look away or blame the victims. Because sometimes, abuse is so subtle and insidious that you don’t even realise it’s happening until you’re deep in it. The “frog in boiling water” analogy is apt: things get worse, degree by degree, until you’re left wondering when it all changed.

If this feels familiar, you are not alone.
Domestic violence is never your fault. It isn’t normal, and it isn’t love. There is help, and there is hope. Recognising abuse is the first step toward reclaiming your reality and your future.

If you’re questioning your situation, reach out to someone you trust, or contact a local support service. You deserve safety, respect, and peace. Always

**Support and Helplines**

If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out. Here are some trusted organisations and helplines:

– **D-VAP (Domestic Violence and Abuse Partnership), East Riding of Yorkshire Council**

 – Phone: 01482 396330

 – Email: dvdap@eastriding.gov.uk

 – Website: https://www.eastriding.gov.uk/living/domestic-violence-abuse/

– **Together Women, Bridlington, UK**

 – Phone: 01482 327 791 (Hull office, covers Bridlington)

 – Email: info@togetherwomen.org

 – Website: https://www.togetherwomen.org/

– **National Domestic Violence Helpline (UK)**

 – Phone: 0808 2000 247 (24 hours, free and confidential)

 – Website: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

– **Samaritans (UK, for anyone in distress)**

 – Phone: 116 123 (24 hours)

 – Email: jo@samaritans.org

 – Website: https://www.samaritans.org/

– **Childline (UK, for children and young people)**

 – Phone: 0800 1111 (24 hours)

 – Website: https://www.childline.org.uk/

– **International Helpline (24/7, multilingual support)**

 – Phone: +44 20 7704 2261 (The National Domestic Abuse Helpline can provide guidance for international callers)

 – Or search for local international support at https://www.hotpeachpages.net/

You are not alone. There are people ready to listen and help.

Let me know in the comments section below if this information has been helpful for you today.

I send you my love, Your friend for the journey,

Kate x

Mrs Katy Batten BA (Hons)( Pronouns: She/Her), International Best Selling Author and Admin Management of New Pasture Lane Community Centre, Registered Charity No 700422.

DISCLAIMER: These blog posts are in no way, shape, or form to provide any professional advice and are for entertainment purposes only. The author/s take no personal responsibility or liability for any person/s who chooses to use the methods in their own lives.