News Flash: We have Dates! And Not The Fruit Kind.

Big news, team! We finally have the dates – and no, not the wrinkly fruit that helps you poop, but Matthew’s chemo dates. (Though I wouldn’t mind a Gin or two to get through this.)

After his latest scan, the doctors revealed that Blad’s “hole” isn’t a hole at all; it’s a lesion. Which, in the world of bladder cancer, is apparently better news. So, the green light is on for six weeks of chemo, starting this Thursday. Yes, THIS Thursday! Cue nervous drumroll…

Matthew is, understandably, less than thrilled. Here’s a bit of medical insight for the curious: bladder chemo isn’t a drip or a pill. Nope, it’s delivered right up the gentleman’s pee hole with a catheter. Are you screwing up your face and flinching yet? I do, every time I think about it, and I don’t even have the relevant equipment. Poor bugger. And he gets to do this every week for six weeks.

On the plus side, the doctor is bringing back Mighty Morphine Power Stranger in liquid capsule form, since Matthew’s pain is still off the charts. I realised this morning why it takes so long for the painkillers to work: the tablets are the size of horse pills! No wonder they take ages to break down; I told him I’d be confused whether to swallow them or shove them up my bum. (He didn’t laugh, but I did.)

Let’s see if Mighty Morphine Power Stranger does the trick this time round. Meanwhile, Mary Migraine is staying in her cage for now, with paracetamol as the jailkeeper. The only catch? My own medication means I’ve had to stop taking codeine for my chronic pain. So my choices right now are: have chronic pain, no cracking migraines (yay?), shakes, rapid weight loss, and even stranger taste buds than usual. Fizzy water tastes still. (I’m not kidding!) My husband says I could hide behind a lamppost and disappear. Given I’ve just lost five stone and finally hit a healthy weight, this extra weight loss is not exactly a bonus.

Honestly, Lord, could we just get a tiny break? My stress levels are fried, my nerves are shot, and I’m one more side effect away from writing a letter to God to ask to trade in this body for another one! Knowing my luck, he would give me a male body from the waist down, just to serve me right for complaining!

I will keep you updated on how Matthew goes after his first session of chemo 🙂

Much Love

Kate x

Stupid Disclaimer:

Absolutely nothing in this blog should be mistaken for actual medical advice, life guidance, or even sound decision-making. Side effects of reading may include spontaneous giggling, eye-rolling, or the urge to Google things you probably shouldn’t. Consult your doctor, your mum, or a magic 8-ball before making any choices based on what you’ve read here. No bladders were harmed in the making of this episode (but a few brain cells may have been lost).