Yesterday, a new character joined the Rodger the Dodger series. Well, two characters, if we add Dr John Reed to the mix. The day started with me going to work at 8 am, forgetting my keys to open the community centre door (of course, I did). Usually, in August, this wouldn’t be a problem because it’s summer. But! Yesterday it was autumn in August, and I was shivering in my long-sleeved jumper, waiting for Nanna Bambi to arrive to let me in. Nanna Bambi is another new character. I will write more about Nanna Bambi further into this series and explain how her nickname came to be.

Any-Hoo, after thawing out the end of my nose and warming up a little, I spent an hour at work to help make sure the team had what they needed to start their day, then I snuck out for the first appointment of the day, which was to see Dr Reed and talk about pain relief. We arrived at the medical centre around 10–15 minutes earlier than expected, so poor Matthew had to wait in the waiting room with every minute feeling like a painful hour. Finally, after what seemed like a week, Dr Reed poked his head out of the door into the waiting room, “Mr Matthew Batten”… I think he is the first person in history to say the Batten name correctly! As usually it is pronounced “Betten, Battan, Batton, and whatever else a person’s mind can magic up at that moment. On this occasion, it was said completely right, to which Matthew said: “Well, you said that spot on, mate”.

As Dr Reed welcomed us into his office and closed the door, he took extreme interest in my Lanyard (I was still wearing my work ID badge). He looked at my ID badge and started to read it, “Kate Batten, Admin Manager, So, who are you? What organisation do you work for?… Did I just miss something? I thought I was here for my husband’s health, not to collect a food donation for our food bank. I replied with “I am Matthew’s wife”…. Suddenly, Dr Reed was taken aback and said “So, sorry Mrs Batten, I thought you were a support worker, here to support Matthew!. Gee, thanks. 15 years together, raising two kids, 4 grandchildren and 3 dogs over the years, and the best he comes up with is are you his support worker? … I told you I couldn’t make this shit up! And you wonder why I write?

Dr Reed dug himself a bigger hole when we mentioned why we were there. When Matthew explained his Rodger the Dodger diagnosis and that he was now needing more pain relief, the doctor casually stated, “Oh, well, bladder cancer is not known to give you this much pain, so it must be more advanced than just your bladder”. Cheers! Dr Reed, the one sentence made my bowels drop outta my arse and provided me with an impending feeling of doom that I will be a widow at 47! This guy was not giving me confidence right now!… I was starting to wonder if it was legal to punch a doctor? After all, there were no visual CCTV cameras in his office.

Dr Reed stated the next milestone would be to introduce Murphy Morphine into the Rodger the Dodger series and let him take centre stage. Yet he would be started on the lowest dose and a slow-release formulation to help him sleep better at night, instead of me jumping so high out of bed at 2 am after being rudely awoken by his screams of pain. My nervous system is frazzled after a week of high-pitched screams that sound like a choir boy hitting his highest note, and the holes in the ceiling are mounting up where I smack my head on the ceiling in such a rude awakening at 2 am.

Right now, I would go with anything, so welcome, Murphy Morphine, great to have you here. By 9 pm last night, Matthew was having a tea party with the fairies at the bottom of the garden, and he even invited the garden worm, Wiggly Woo, as the DJ. The best part is he slept until 4 am! Okay, to you that may only be 2 hours more, but to me, it is golden! It means that one little tablet last night provided my husband enough relief to sleep most of the evening, which helped him wake up a little brighter this morning.

So, for that Murphy Morphine, welcome to the Rodger Dodger series and the family! We welcome you with open arms and say thank you for your existence! At least now we know there is some hope while Matthew waits for his operation on the 21st of August….WHICH! Happens to be the same bloody day we are supposed to go on holiday to a lovely holiday cottage in the middle of nowhere…. (SEE! I told you I could make this shit up, ever!)… However, that is tomorrow’s episode, so tune in tomorrow for another episode of Rodger the Dodger, and the life of Matthew Batten, who thinks he is somehow still going on holiday after major surgery…. Don’t ask. I just thank you for being here with me… Or at least my last straw of sanity does.

Until tomorrow, chow for now!

Kate x